Here’s a chance to learn a little about me so lets dive right in!
Most of my life I’ve been in long-term relationships. I guess you could call me a serial monogamist. Not that there is anything wrong with being a serial monogamist, in fact, I look back quite happily on the relationships I’ve had and the lessons I’ve learned. It surely hasn’t been an easy road getting to where I am now and being happy with myself, just the way I am. That being said, they weren’t always the easiest or most fun to learn but you have to start somewhere right?
I’m a firm believer that when you find someone who you can see a future with, you should give everything that you can. Love them as hard as possible. That way, you never look back and think “I should have done more.”. You won’t have to because you gave everything.
My first and longest relationship was with a great guy I met when I was around 16 and on a blind date that my best girl friends had set me up with. We dated seriously on and off for almost 11 years. You really get to know someone after that amount of time and, although I will always love him, the easiest way to explain the end of that era is to say that we both grew in different directions and that our needs/wants were no longer on the same page. He’s still a wonderful person and I hope him the very best.
After that ended, I found myself immediately involved with one of my best friends. You might say that this was a rebound. Quite possibly but it definitely eased the pain of losing a long-term part of my life, a person I considered my closest companion. This one was much harder. I never felt good enough and found myself always chasing what I thought would make him happy. As I know now, this is not how a relationship should work. While he and I ended on a terrible note (which I won’t get into just yet), he was a great friend beforehand and I really do hope him the very best.
After that breakup I found myself broken. Broken in a way I didn’t know how to come back from. For the very first time in my entire life, I was completely alone. Now, I could have done many things at this juncture. I could have been sad, quit my job, basically given up – Oh wait. That’s exactly what I did. It took a conversation that I’ll never forget with my oldest friend, Missy, to make me realize that I really needed to stop whining and get it together. The statement that really turned it around for me?
“When did you become such a pussy?!?”
Rude, right?? Well this just so happens to be the greatest life altering question that I’ve ever been asked outside of Mellow Mushroom on dollar wine night. She proceeded to remind me of just how awesome the old, pre-whoever, single, confident me used to be! She went on about how strong of a woman I had been, how I never took anything from anyone, and how I had never cared what anyone else thought and always stayed true to myself completely.
I decided that she was absolutely correct. No more being “that girl”! I picked myself up, made a list of things that made me uncomfortable, that I wanted to do, or that I was never able to enjoy because of someone else. And, boy, was it a long one!! Here are some of the things that were on my list:
- Go Fishing
- Take a Dance Class
- Join More Social Groups
- Go to a Bar Alone
- Medieval Times
The list goes on and on but you get the point, right?
These may not be big things (or even all that fun of things) but this was my first step towards getting out of the house, making new friends, and having the adventures that I’d seriously been lacking in my life. Along with my lists and efforts to forget the past, I made one other decision which I think was one of the most beneficial I’m ever made.
I decided to become celibate.
(To Be Continued…)