Floral Reminders

Sometimes in life we let tensions build up because we afraid to let  the other person know where we stand. We come to resent the things that bother us in others that we ourselves are afraid to point out.

The other day, the BF (JB), and I had an argument. We both shouted our needs, disappointments, and desires in a desperate attempt to be understood. I’m not saying that yelling at each other is the way to go but sometimes it helps to release all of the pent-up frustration that can come from two separate entities attempting to forge their lives together.

We’re both strong-willed and set in our ways. There are things that both of us need to make us feel essential and important that the other is not always able to give. It’s the ability to continue to build and grow together even after these superficial fractures that make it possible to continue to strive towards somethings bigger.

“The difference from ordinary and extraordinary is a little extra effort.”

Here are the flowers that JB had delivered to my office today!

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Surviving

First off, I’m sorry if today’s post seems  a little whiny, it’s really not meant to be. Instead I intend to use it therapeutically. I seriously hope that years from now I’ll look back and think about how silly I was. 

In the aftermath of a relationship that I was convinced was real and would last this time around, the lack of closure is all that I can think about. How did we go from looking at places and planning a life to trading things and saying goodbye? My mind is spinning with thoughts of what I could have done differently. I am consumed by self blame and wonder at how everything can be great until one day is just isn’t anymore. Did he ever truly care for me and if he did, how could he leave so quickly with even a backward glance? I gave up a lot to make it work (my celibacy, my heart, my distaste for beards) and in time, I know that I would have given more.

I really wish it wasn’t all that I can think about. I wish I wasn’t spending my work hours thinking about previous contact with him while fighting to hold back tears and feelings of loneliness or regret.

Seems like the first logical step is to find some advice or answers since I’m sure not going to get any from him. Luckily, I’m not the only person who’s ever gone through something like this so there are lots of good places to locate what I’m looking for.

Why? What did I do? And why wasn’t I able to make him happy? 

The first semi-helpful article I’ve found states that “the most important thing is to stop asking yourself why your partner acted the way they did, and start understanding that the problem is theirs, not yours.”

Here’s the page for reference: www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-59182/Surviving-shock-break-up.html

Now let’s look at why Dr. Spurr thinks the Ex-BF might have acted the way that he did.

The Dr says that people who choose to end a relationship with no warning are usually Non-Communicators.  ‘Non-communicators: people who let issues build up without talking about them, to the point where they decide leaving is the only option. In many of these relationships, the partner left without explanation is a good communicator – which is why the break-up is so difficult for them.’

So that means I am, quite possibly, a good communicator! Well that’s fantastic news! Looking back, I can now recall the times we argued and I said to him “I really need BLANK from you to be happy” or “When you speak to me like BLANK, it hurts my feelings”. Apparently this was communicating so I’m silently patting myself on the back right now.

I also found this article about the “Out of the Blue’ breakup:

“People that break up by abruptly and rather aggressively cutting you off with little or no explanation and pretty much act like you never existed, have to do so to avoid any responsibility for the consequences of their actions and their impact on you so they can press The Reset Button. They’re afraid that if they discuss, they’ll get talked into committing themselves to something they don’t want to.”

“The overwhelming likelihood is that they didn’t feel that there was a strong enough reason to pin on you so rather than admit they’re scared or they want out, they announce they’re out and cut off.”

See more at: www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/happy-one-day-chopped-the-next-when-they-breakup-and-vanish/

The first article also included this awesome 5 stop How To guide. I’ve already been doing most of these but it’s always good to create a behavior outline for yourself.

How to survive a shock break-up

1. Don’t blame yourself. Remind yourself regularly that the relationship ended because your partner had the problem with communicating, which was nothing to do with you. You were willing and able to talk about your problems but your partner couldn’t deal with that… which is their loss.

2. Take up something new. It’s important that it’s completely unrelated to your ex, and even better if it’s something they didn’t want you to do! So many people who’ve had these sort of break-ups keep doing the same things they did with their ex, which just increases their pain. Leave those things until much later, when the pain of the break-up has faded.

3. Date for fun. Now’s not the time to look for another meaningful relationship. Enjoy your friends, go out with interesting people, but put all thoughts of a replacement relationship out of your mind.

4. Don’t be a relationship bore. Spend more time with your friends and family by all means, but try not to keep going over the break-up with them again and again. Much as they love you and want you to be happy, even they can’t be expected to stick around if you’re constantly going over the same ground. You need your friends, so don’t scare them away!

5. Work on your ‘I don’t care’ attitude. Even if you do still deeply care about your ex, with practice this will really help speed up your recovery. Focus on all the annoying things they used to do; try to decide what used to irritate you the most. Soon you’ll be amazed to find you really don’t care any more.

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-59182/Surviving-shock-break-up.html#ixzz2d5jC7yng

After reading up a little, I feel like I’m slowly starting to grasp the reasons, or non-reasons, that I find myself alone this time. I may not be happy with or ever know his real reasons but with a little hard work and time, who’s to say I can’t be happy again?  NO ONE.

So when will the pain stop? When will I start feeling less empty and ready to face the world? Probably not anytime soon but I know its supposed to get easier eventually, and at least I have some faint idea how to move forward. I just have to keep my head up and rely on the good people in my life more than I’m used to. And I’ve got to remember that

Even though this isn’t my first heartbreak, I can look towards the future and hope that it’s the last.

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Event Planning Is Going to Give Me a Brain Aneurysm

Planning this reunion has to be one of the hardest things I’ve ever done in my life.

It’s a hard lesson to learn but it is extremely difficult to make everyone happy. Especially when working a full-time job, attempting to do math, appeasing the masses, and trying to look pretty doing it. It’s beginning to seem as if every little thing I’ve done thus far has begun to unravel.  After being stressed  for months over all of the details, I found out this morning that we are around $584 over budget! Definitely not an easy blow to receive at nine in the morning and four days before the actual event.

Honestly, my biggest fear is failure. Failing not only my classmates but also myself. After all of my hard work and dedication towards making this happen, will I be remembered as the girl no one asks to help out again or as the unsung hero of something great that almost didn’t happen?

I’d like to think that if everyone who had RSVPed had bought their tickets, the reunion wouldn’t be in the place it is now. But then again, it’s easy to place blame and much harder to shoulder it yourself. Maybe next time (granted there is one!) I’ll listen less to the complaints of everyone else and lean more towards what I think is practical. After all, when everyone wanted cheaper tickets, the request was obliged, even to the detriment of what is now an event on the precipice of collapse.

For now, I’ll have to try to keep my head above water. Continue sending emails and struggling for a hand-hold. The only good motion is forward motion and I’m bound and determined to make this occasion a reality.

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