When I met you, I knew almost immediately that there was something amazing about you. Something different. I saw more than most did when I fell for your humility, your sense of humor, and the way you always reassured me that I was more beautiful than even I, a self-professed narcissist, saw. For a while, you let me need you and I got to feel needed in return. We built a life together. A life filled with dinners and inside jokes, of stories and wonderful memories, and at night when we laid down to sleep, we reminded each other how much we cared and held each other for what we thought was just a piece of forever.
We thought that there was nothing that could tear us apart. You and I against the world.
At some point things got hard, as they tend to do, and for a while we managed to work it out. There were fights and tears but usually that was followed by forgiveness and a better understanding of one another’s needs. I’m sorry that I instigated fights and said cruel things. Looking back, I think this was because it was never enough for me. I was selfish and wanted to be everything to you . I’m afraid I’ll always be the person who wants too much. All of those nights you wanted to go home at midnight but I insisted on “one more drink” took a toll on you. I knew that you didn’t want to stay out. I knew but I still fought for those extra minutes. I know I kept us too busy. I realize that I did this now because I finally felt like I had someone to share those adventures and events with. I’m sorry for that too but now memories are all I have and I’m glad I pushed you for that extra time. I also feel bad about picking at your silly habits. I’d once found the way you chewed your food, bit your nails, or were particular about your toiletries endearing but, after a time, they had begun to grate on my nerves. I see now the times that I blamed you and took stress out on you for things that weren’t your fault. You couldn’t help that I struggled to feel good about myself or that I hated my job but you stuck around even when I was having a full-blown tantrum. Thank you for that too because not many would have.
I can think back now and see the times you tried your best to fix us before we ended. The compromises you asked for that I was unable to give. You didn’t see it but I was always compromising in my own way. You couldn’t tell but I was giving you everything that I had. I spent hours thinking of cute things to buy you or adventures we could have together. I never thought there was an expiration date on us until it was too late.
I’ll always remember the way you looked at me, like there was no one else in the entire world and I alone kept it spinning for you. Your constant kisses weren’t necessary but always appreciated. I’m glad that I was privileged to be a part of your life, even if I wish I could have kept you longer. Without you, I wouldn’t be there person I am today. Sometimes when I think about losing you, I feel empty because each of you took a piece of me when you left. A piece of my heart that I’ll never get back. But in the end, I’m glad that you left with something. I hope that it makes you a better person and that one day you’ll love someone like you loved me but that this time, it won’t have to end.